Saving Grace
by Scruff the Rat
Summary: A few inner thoughts from Bonnie Mahana, one of my OCs...Rated T for language


**I do not own Hey Arnold! Only Bonnie and any other characters not canon to the show...**

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><p>Do not think I'm going to make a habit out of you.<p>

For all you know, I might be a grandmother the next time I open you up again.

Regardless, I really, _really_ need to let off steam right now.

I just wish I knew where to start.

Oh wait…on second thought, scratch that last statement…

I _do_ know just where to start.

That fucking fleabag Oscar…

AHH! What the hell is _wrong_ with Suzie?

Oscar is middle-aged, loaded with a beer gut, and, ugh, do not tell me that free-loader does not reek.

That slug couldn't even throw a punch to save his life. I damn know he wouldn't do so to save _Suzie's _life.

Why couldn't Su just wallop him over the head with a frying pan and leave so the bastard can finally learn to fend for himself?

No, actually, I have a better idea…

Why couldn't she just kick him out? He could fend for himself in the real world instead.

She had the chance before…

So why didn't she take it?

And why did Arnold have to meddle like that…that kid's got a good heart, but I swear he is just as thick-headed as Miles was!

That kid's fallen in and out of love more ways than I can count!

I just…I just…!

…

Listen to me…here I am complaining about Suzie's misguided sense of sympathy and Arnold's misguided sense of love…

Ladies' man or not, Arnold's just a kid…nobody should be expecting someone his age to get how love works. Heck, I've loved people before (romantic or otherwise) and I'm still not totally sure of love's innermost workings myself.

As for Suzie…well, being the daughter of a pretty fastidious father—_all the way from birth_-would have probably made any young woman desperate enough to latch onto the first guy she saw.

Honestly, I've made no better choices than she has.

No, I don't regret that fact that I've associated and even dated people of different orientations…

Gays, transsexuals, bisexuals…

If you're going to date people of different races, you might as well expand your "interests," too.

Makes for a nicely large selection, in fact…

I also don't regret marrying Diego.

Oh lord…burn me like a witch if I ever dare to forget that man.

Sorry that I got a bit profound at the moment.

Still, I'll never lament choosing him.

Never…

What I _do_ lament is distancing myself after my husband died.

I mean, I always did consider myself an aloof person.

Not saying that I can't be nice (I can actually be sweet if I want to be)…

The problem with me is that my emotions tend to get the best of me at times.

And there's something else… I have a weird sense of timing when I express my feelings.

Allow me to explain through example: there wasn't even one shed tear on my face at Diego's funeral until there was no one left but me and Mr. Hyunh.

On the other hand, there were a _bunch_ of tears the moment I found out I burnt Pookie's chicken…just like what happens every time food and I are thrown together.

Needless to say, there's not very much I am good at.

I'm good at burning food up, like I mentioned before—not roast it or bake it, but definitely burn it.

I'm good at raising trouble. Sometimes _I_ was part of the reason Milo had to change schools.

I'm also good at being cold. Even to my own son and Arnold, I'm probably the biggest bitch on the planet.

I'm amazed those boys still love me so much.

…

And smiling…I'm really good at getting people to smile.

"Yes…smiling is good," just like Hyunh said.

It's just not as clear and cut or simple as you might think…or as much I wish it would be.

Oh well, I know one thing one-hundred percent.

There is no way anyone's going to be interested enough to read something as boring as _this_ entry (no offense—I did write this after all), let alone be interested enough to open youup.

Heh …otherwise I'll have to gut someone like a turkey.

'_Til then,_

_Bonnie Mahana_

P.S: I might be back to write in you sooner than I expected. This personal diary stuff is kind of soothing.

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><p><strong>Feel free to tell me what you think!<strong>


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